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Anecdotal evidence of what comes flowing from my amazingly insane, completey paranoid and demented cranium. Seriously, I need professional help.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
On behalf of all Rangers fans, I apologize.
I apologize that Tom Hicks is an opportunistic, misguided midget (sorry, little person) masquerading as a "man" who has proven he will sell his soul (and his best freaking player for that matter) to the Evil Empire, the likes of which won't be seen again until certain people head south to reside with Satan in unending "warmth."
I apologize for the fact that the Texas Rangers played a part in giving said Empire an MVP-caliber player and did so without taking at least ONE starting pitcher in return, instead settling for one of the few Yankees (whether he's 26, 28 or 72) that dragged that team down defensively last season.
I apologize that for a certain number of games next year, ESPN will force the general public to watch either a possibly catastrophic Rangers team or a disgustingly putrid Yank(insert Jim Carrey-like full body gag here)ees team on national television.
May the Evil Empire crumble under the combined weight of its own monetary debt and inflated egos, and may the Red Sox do it because that would be the only true justice.
Thank you, and let me retire into the fetal position to suck my thumb and weep in peace over the ashes that were the Texas Rangers.
Bryan
President of the unofficial "Pedro Is My Hero Even Though He Didn't Go Far Enough In Knocking Don Zimmer On His Butt" fan club.
P.S. - Somebody get Affleck to take off that dang NASCAR jacket. He's disgracing the sport of NASCAR, and every one of my Southern redneck friends who support it!
I apologize that Tom Hicks is an opportunistic, misguided midget (sorry, little person) masquerading as a "man" who has proven he will sell his soul (and his best freaking player for that matter) to the Evil Empire, the likes of which won't be seen again until certain people head south to reside with Satan in unending "warmth."
I apologize for the fact that the Texas Rangers played a part in giving said Empire an MVP-caliber player and did so without taking at least ONE starting pitcher in return, instead settling for one of the few Yankees (whether he's 26, 28 or 72) that dragged that team down defensively last season.
I apologize that for a certain number of games next year, ESPN will force the general public to watch either a possibly catastrophic Rangers team or a disgustingly putrid Yank(insert Jim Carrey-like full body gag here)ees team on national television.
May the Evil Empire crumble under the combined weight of its own monetary debt and inflated egos, and may the Red Sox do it because that would be the only true justice.
Thank you, and let me retire into the fetal position to suck my thumb and weep in peace over the ashes that were the Texas Rangers.
Bryan
President of the unofficial "Pedro Is My Hero Even Though He Didn't Go Far Enough In Knocking Don Zimmer On His Butt" fan club.
P.S. - Somebody get Affleck to take off that dang NASCAR jacket. He's disgracing the sport of NASCAR, and every one of my Southern redneck friends who support it!
